No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
