Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
