and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
