you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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