I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
