I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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