i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
