There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
