Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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