I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
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