How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
