barbara walters just said penis...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
