guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
