She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
