I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Come share oat with me in your robe
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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