Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
