and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
