I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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