The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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