drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
