i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She announced her abortion via fbk
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
