I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
