I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
