hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
