Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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