i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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