k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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