why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
