i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
