I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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