She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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