theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
