at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
