You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
