I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
