I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
