yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
