Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I need water and some morals
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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