wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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