Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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