Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
