How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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