My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
