The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
