the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
