I will die if light touches me.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
