Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
