Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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