So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
