The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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