yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
