well most of my day revolves around power hour
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
