So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
